as are most people, in general: loud eaters, thinkers, drinkers, sleepers.. but fuck, this guy is annoying! leave. leave now, please. sucking your fingers like it's KFC or some shit. it's NOT! i mean, who sharpens a knife to eat corn on the fucking cob; fuckin' who!? and it's bare foot in here, guy - get rid of them leather slips. they're loud, they're ugly, they'd rip into my skin. they suck.
so, by request;
5. love bird
4. common brown bear
3. clown fish
2. pink flamingo
1. the mallard
~
in lieu of someone (more drizzle, sorry).
it's hard to hide from yourself when you feel as if you've already disappeared. i used to make a lot of noise in bands around my hometown and my home country. i miss doing that. i miss the buzz, i miss the boys, i miss the energy, i miss the noise, i miss touring, i miss the creative aspects of the group that you can't quite maintain alone. i'm going to get back up there. i will get this together. honestly, i will. at this moment, however, i'm somewhere in the middle of tokyo, japan. in an anonymous hotel room. surrounded by anonymous heat. with a nameless depression. and i hate it. i don't need this fear. i don't need this down. i miss my friends. i hate pictures of them. it makes me want to swim my ass back home. but i can't; i can only play sad music and keep the lights off. these are feelings that have been present from day one. i should have stopped thinking of home by now?
i'd like to sit beside an ocean. unaffected by the cold but so taken by the breeze that there would be no need for music, even. faces lit by stars and moon, hair fighting the breeze shading the eyes - images like these have kept and currently keep me from shutting down. this is probably just one of those days. and i guess i need to stop reminding myself of her. maybe. i dunno. i'm just glad i have this place. my sanctuary. i hate long words. i love short words. i love eyes. and hair. and smiles. and lips. and tears. and breaths. and lashes. and noses. and rain. and roses. and freedom. and the night. and the day.
there was this girl. and we were off, and we were on. we were right and we were wrong. we were lost and we were found. we were always together and now we're never around.
bring her out of me. i found an old note;
"make it naked. let me know. these thoughts, these sounds make everything else fail. nothing stands when we stare. when we touch. your skin is so perfect, so secret. i have to taste you. i need it. eyes like an angel. spell me out with your eyes. you do. you can. you will. i am so a slave to your eyes and your name. occupy me and my mind. make me scream so silently. your lips make me sweat. so soft, so perfect. so familiar. worlds crumble when you all but blink your eyes. so strong, so bright. so hopeful. i need to breathe your air. to feel your breath. and to need your feel. you make me want kneel when i talk, constantly. so bare. so naked. so simple. have me. as much or as little as you feel. hair so golden, so perfect - the way it falls in front of your eyes, casting shadows, the way your eyes sparkle like secrets. like little children hiding behind white fences, one eye, out, bare, staring, waiting. you love my words. i would give you the english language, over and again, if you would let me. if you would lend me your time, lend me your eyes. so perfect.
i was looking at you. i always will. you are my angel. love me. this is as desperate and deep as you'll see me. for you. for anyone".
what was i thinking? my pee smells like grape soda. i want to go home,
ben hen pen len glenn then wrenn ken men friend. x
~
OH, AND NOW HE'S BUTTERING TOAST LOUDER THAN LAYING CEMENT. CUNT.
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