i'm not comfortable with how competitive life has gotten. i'm not happy with how easy it is for people to judge each other on some of the most fickle bullshit. it's heartbreaking. all it makes me want to do is give up on this world - i have little urge to make things better and every desire to pack up all my shit, move into the mountains and kiss electricity and the monotonous hum of the daily grind goodbye. it's not that i don't like working hard. it's just that i don't like doing it for nothing.
on a similar note, i refuse to define my sense of happiness by what i own or what i consume. the worst part is, when i focus on what truly makes me happy, i feel like i'm just ignoring all the horrible atrocities taking place in this world every day. and that just makes me feel like a dick. is the secret sticking some starving kid you sponsor on your fridge to remind yourself you give a shit? is that all it takes? i don't want to wander through life pursuing my trivial endeavors and completely missing the point. but maybe if i had a day job bore the shit out of me i'd have the motivation to make a conscious difference. for now, i'll just spend my spare 15 minutes at the airport reading about people who still think it's okay to beat the shit out of women and hate the fact that i am rendered almost entirely helpless.
"the world is in bad shape. it's fucked. and there's nothing i can do about it. check out my new iphone app!"
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