i'm walking in slow-mo now. a lot more than before. even sitting in a busy room, everything is starting to sound like noise coming from another room. no Hi and Mid kicks, just low and muffled tones - ambient impersonations of voices taking place in serious conversation. the bubbling in my stomach has stopped being a weird thing and began to take it's place as stationary in my neat and tidy corner office of fear and absolute terror.
the farthest away is starting to seem so very unimportant. one foot in front of the other is the mantra of a 21st century billboard-style transmission i have come to know as motivation and not the doomsayer's opening prayers. the sunshine is still a major factor in keeping things positive. the rain has become a comfort, reminiscent of keeping as warm as you can with someone important. and i miss that. trying to keep as warm as you can all alone in your darkest hour, just as if there was no other way. i havent clipped my nails in a couple days. too long. and i couldn't find my nail clippers in my bag so i need to buy new ones.
making right by people that you care about just might be one of the most liberating feelings accessible to the human heart and soul. not only do you feel stronger for growing the balls to say what you feel and admit your discrepancies, you feel credible and able to act as a pillar in someone else's life once more. you can run so much farther and faster when your pockets aren't filled to the brim with garbage.
this may have been a misfire,
carts.
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